Exploring Self-Talk
“...gonna do my very best and it ain’t no lie, if you put me to the test, if you let me try…” — ABBA
Take a Chance On Me: Exploring Self-Talk
Deciding to work for yourself calls for belief in your vision and capabilities. Every entrepreneur knows they’ll be stepping into some level of the unknown and facing challenges, but they start determined to succeed and do their best. Taking charge of one’s future blends optimism and commitment to face obstacles and lean into possibility. Managing one’s inner voice is a foundational skill for maintaining the energy and perseverance to continue through the ebbs and flows of an unpredictable, potentially stressful path.
Dani, a small business owner, is having a particularly tough month. She set ambitious revenue targets for her business, but despite her best efforts, she fell short by 20%. To make matters worse, a potential client she spent weeks courting decided to go with a competitor at the last minute. Meanwhile, work is piling up—orders are past due, marketing campaigns are behind schedule, and her small team is looking to her for direction. Dani feels overwhelmed and exhausted as if spinning her wheels but getting nowhere.
As these challenges compound, Dani’s inner voice is unforgiving. She thinks, "I’m not cut out for this. Successful entrepreneurs don’t miss their targets. If I can’t land clients, my business will fail. I’m probably just not good enough. I can’t handle all this—everybody else seems to manage just fine, but I’m drowning. What if I never make it? What if I’m not capable of running this business?
More than twenty years ago, I learned an impactful life lesson while attending post-graduate training at the Albert Ellis Institute in Manhattan. A renowned instructor spoke about the power of the word "can't," noting how it blocks the mind from considering other options and exploring alternative solutions.
When we tell ourselves we can’t do something or aren’t cut out for something, there’s no longer a problem to solve. The thought loop is closed. Even if you continue to wish for something different, a part of your mind no longer looks for other options. It’s as if your mind has moved on.
Can’t is an obstacle blocking the road to where you want to go. Our brains prefer predictability and can’t offers the hard no to stop further wondering. There’s simply nothing more to do. The problem happens when a person’s lack of self-belief, “I can’t do this,” bumps up against a meaningful value for them. When running a business, some people may struggle with confidence about their abilities but be driven to create something meaningful and value the independence self-employment affords, so they persist.
For entrepreneurs to stay at the top of their game, intentionally pushing forward while enjoying their work and life, understanding and managing unhelpful thoughts and limiting beliefs is crucial. Consider the difference in perspective and feeling for Dani, comparing “I’m not cut out for this” with “I’ve faced challenges before, and I always figure something out. I don’t know what to do yet, but I know I’ll come up with a solution.” This transition of thoughts moves a person from stuck to hope.
To up your game regarding beliefs that will energize and support you, consider adding self-talk like “Every challenge is an opportunity for growth and learning, and I'm ready to embrace it. " This statement acknowledges difficulties while focusing on the lessons that strengthen our ability to bounce back from setbacks.
The Power of Yet
Yet is another tiny word with a powerful impact. When Dani adds yet to her repertoire of self-talk, she can think, “I don’t know how I will raise revenue this quarter yet, but brainstorming with my team has always generated new ideas.” Yet helps us recognize challenges and uncertainty while staying hopeful, allowing people to expand their perspective and move toward problem-solving rather than quiet-quitting.
Examples of entrepreneurial quiet-quitting include neglecting big-picture goals, networking, marketing, personal and professional growth opportunities, or customer feedback. It’s easy to understand how feeling like there’s not enough time to keep up with everything can spill over into a slow shutting down. People give up when they think there’s no way for them to win and they don’t see a path to success. With self-downing thoughts and chronic procrastination, catching thoughts quickly to check their validity and change what’s unhelpful will be more beneficial than pushing through the slog and not facing your feelings.
Many of us learned to criticize ourselves often and early to stop others from doing so. Maybe it’s a shield to block digs like “Who do you think you are?” or perhaps it’s a habit we witnessed others saying, and we picked it up without considering its impact. Maybe it’s a way to cope with the failure we anticipate. No matter the root cause, the steps for change are the same. Start by asking yourself how your current approach to dealing with difficulties is working for you.
If you are thriving, you don’t need to do anything different. If, on the other hand, you are walking around with your head down or stomach in knots, pushing through the days, and numbing yourself at night in some unhealthy way, there are many ways to shift gears and return to the optimistic outlook and determination that got you started.
Expand your Toolkit When it Comes to Guiding the Mind Towards Action and Kindness
It’s widely agreed that people feel negative events more intensely than positive ones. This is called the negativity bias, an inclination to pay attention to and dwell on negative information more than positive information. Below is a list of strategies for bringing greater awareness to habits of thinking and ideas for making changes that support greater perspective-taking and well-being.
Pay attention to your thoughts—notice what you say to yourself and what you say about yourself to others.
Reframe negative thoughts with positive or neutral statements and turn criticism into encouragement.
Set aside time each day to reflect on what you’ve accomplished, what you feel proud of, what’s going well, and your strengths. Write down your findings to make a lasting impression for shifting your mindset.
Revisit long-term goals and your big-picture vision to help see that a tough day, week, or month doesn’t discount all your progress.
Set realistic expectations. Ambitious goals are essential, but understanding that many things are out of your control and projects often take longer than planned can help us not get discouraged.
Seek support from colleagues, friends, mentors, or coaches when you’re stuck.
Embracing compassion for yourself and those around you can lead to a more meaningful and satisfying life. Accepting love and pain as part of the human experience helps navigate challenges gracefully. When you are willing to hold space for pleasant and unpleasant emotions, you gain the strength to face life's challenges more calmly and confidently. Turning toward pain with an open heart allows you to appreciate life's beauty and richness fully.
Ultimately, being an entrepreneur is more than just business success; it's also about personal growth, resilience, and adaptability. Remember, setbacks are stepping stones toward greater understanding and capability. By managing your inner dialogue and building a supportive network, you can turn challenges into opportunities and maintain the motivation to pursue your dreams. You have the power to shape your path and achieve your goals. Success isn’t just about reaching the destination; it’s about evolving and thriving along the way.
