Blind Spots: How We Stay Stuck
The more we watch without trying to change, the more we see. It happens through simple observation. Photo credit: Zaur Takhgiriev from Pexels.png
It wasn’t until my late 20s that I realized I’d been making myself small, shrinking, trying to take up as little space as possible. I’m still amazed I didn’t know it. I hadn’t planned to do it, but there it was.
One day, in a crowded, sweaty yoga class in NYC, the teacher instructed us to take up space as we lay in a full-body twist. That was when I became aware of this tendency, which had been a blind spot until that moment. I had been doing it for as long as I could remember but had never noticed. Once I felt the expansion and recognized the constriction, I couldn’t unsee it. That moment made me think about how often we take up or don’t take up space.
The Blind Spot in the Rearview Mirror
What fascinates me about this blind spot is how I learned it. No one ever said, “Make yourself small” in so many words. But the messages were there: stay in your lane, don’t draw attention, don’t cause trouble, and who do you think you are? Maybe it was just a natural response to wanting to get along.
In high school, I had a friend, Steven, who was full of entrepreneurial ideas. One involved adding something to a car's rearview mirror to capture blind spots while driving. It was the 1980s, and not every vehicle had passenger-side mirrors. I still remember him pointing out all the blind spots a driver faced when changing lanes on the highway.
I don’t know if Steven became an inventor, but his idea stuck with me. Blind spots aren’t just for driving. They show up in how we see ourselves.
The Parts of Ourselves We Cannot See
You may recall Johari’s Window from Psych 101, a four-quadrant model illustrating different aspects of self-awareness:
What we know about ourselves and others know, too.
What we know, but others don’t.
What others see, but we don’t.
What remains hidden from everyone, including ourselves.
It’s fascinating how much of our existence remains unknown to us. Blind spots make sense. When we dissociate from traumatic events, it helps us manage horror. When we grow up in restrictive environments, we learn to hide parts of ourselves to fit in. But just because we have blind spots doesn’t mean we must remain unaware.
Self-awareness starts with slowing down. By noticing our thoughts and feelings, even in everyday moments like walking and breathing, we can see the patterns that shape them, opening the door to change. When we see ourselves more clearly, we see the world more clearly.
The Illusion of Staying the Same
It’s strange how a belief we formed decades ago still feels relevant today. Our self-perception often remains unchanged even as our bodies and life experiences change.
If everything around us changes, and we are part of everything, we must be changing, too, even if we don’t always notice. Many of us hold onto old beliefs like a worn-out pair of slippers: familiar but frayed, comfortable yet no longer serving us.
The Weight We Carry Without Realizing
Being overly identified with our beliefs, especially those tied to identity, like “I’m not/I am the kind of person who…” can contribute to suffering and feeling stuck. For years, I carried an underlying fear, a lingering sense that I would get in trouble or that someone would be mad at me. It was like wearing an unnecessary sweater in the summer, heavy and stifling.
These interpretations of sensations might have been relics from childhood, trying to avoid disapproval. Maybe they stemmed from being dutiful, sensitive, conscientious, or accommodating. But as adults, we often hold onto unnecessary layers, mistaking them for protection when they may keep us stuck.
We misinterpret situations more often than we realize. How often have you assumed someone was upset with you, only to find out they weren’t? How many times has a simple conversation cleared things up? These small shifts in awareness make a big difference.
Expanding Awareness
I think of greater self-awareness as a “blind spot expander.” It happens through simple observation. The more we watch without trying to change, the more we see.
Accepting Suffering
To achieve true happiness, we must accept that suffering is part of life. However, we can suffer more skillfully without adding unnecessary struggle. Keeping an open mind, noticing how we speak to ourselves, and challenging absolute beliefs about not being “enough” can ease our burden.
At the same time, recognizing our skills and strengths while remembering that change is constant, for both the good and the bad, can help us stay grounded.
We will live with ourselves longer than anyone else. Practicing unconditional friendliness toward ourselves is crucial because happiness is an inside job. When we create a moment of happiness, we enjoy it, and then we can double that happiness by sharing it with someone else.
Clearing the Blind Spots
As we clear our blind spots, the simple joys of everyday life come into focus. The quiet morning coffee. Sunlight on a flower. The bright sky. The warmth of a shower. Even in times of uncertainty and darkness, we can experience moments of light and connection.
Observing ourselves without judgment may not eliminate all our blind spots, but it can lessen their hold on us. When we notice our patterns, how we shrink, hesitate, or assume old roles, we create the possibility for change. While self-awareness doesn't guarantee instant change, it paves the way for greater clarity, choice, and compassion, making the effort meaningful.
